Stewardship

As my life has changed my stewardships have changed, but some remain essentially the same. I no longer have an active stewardship of my children since all have grown to adulthood. I am in a complementary situation where I can give them compliments and sometimes advice, and they can do the same to me. My relationship to my grandchildren is a less formal stewardship, unless one of their parents makes a request for something more formal as needed. The stewardship of various callings changes as the callings change.
I have a stewardship over my health and a responsibility to maintain my possessions so they won't be wasted. I have a stewardship over my talents so that I may give something of value to the world I live in.

Waiting for the Failure

I visited a friend the other day who is forced to spend her days in a chair. She has a couple of controls, one for the chair and the other for the TV. After a life of self sufficiency and generosity, she must be the recipient of care even to eat. Her mind is keen but it is difficult for her to speak. I've found that the most valuable thing that I can do for her is let my mouth run. I store up funny episodes that others tell me and we talk about our lives. I told her that my mother thought I would be unable to have children and she told me that her mother told her that the world in which she would live would make it almost impossible to bring up children. I gave birth to ten children without apparent problems, in spite of having damaged kidneys, and she raised a family of 6 to adulthood and now some of them have grandchildren. I've always felt that history would swerve to bring about some cataclysmic events within my lifetime, but if so, given that I'm closing in on 68, it better happen soon.

I Now Believe that the PTB intended homicide

As I review the actions taken by authorities with regard to my son Richard I have come to the conclusion that they intended to dispose of him. The severity of using three tasers simultaneously, administered when he was in close hold of at least five men, argues that they had no reason to use the devices for subduing him. They were large and armed. He was sleepy and shoeless. He offered no threat other than his dangerous opinions. That the authorities; Provo Police Department, Wasatch Mental Health, and others associated with this action have continued their harassment is despicable. After committing him involuntarily with no request for action other than a phone call from the FBI, which now seems to deny having instigated the activity, the hospital kept him for several days after the 'Mental Health' court decided he offered no threat. Bills for more than $30,000 have been rendered for this action. So now he is expected to pay for a flagrant violation of his civil rights? I have heard of few worse actions by the KGB or Gestapo. This post could get me into trouble, but sometimes you have to stand on a wall and warn people.

Family Togetherness

Early on Thursday morning I returned from a week of family reunion. It was only partial since four of my nine living children couldn't attend for various reasons. Even so, with nine grandchildren, including one who must be counted as an adult since she is married and attending college, and ten other adults, it made enough of a crowd to require planning. My ex-husband recently purchased a large brick house with eight or nine bedrooms, most with an en-suite bathroom and there are two additional half-baths in various levels. Keeping toilet paper stocked was a minor goal. The cousins had a lot of fun at fairly simple pleasures; sliding down an improvised water slide made of 25 feet of polyethylene sheet, visiting the local pool, running around the vast empty rooms of their grandfather's new house, visiting a puppet show in a local park and playing in the playground that has a climbing tower. The adults mostly visited and watched the children. Early in the week before the younger cousins came I took the older cousins to the Smithsonian where we walked from the Castle to the Air and Space Museum to the American Indian Museum and across the Mall to the East Wing of the National Gallery for a quick tour through the small French paintings exhibit. Then we ate lunch in the Cascade cafe where I introduced them to Gelato before we made a quick tour through the east half of the gallery and down the front stairs and on to the Natural History Museum. After a tour through bones and stones and taxidermy and a stop at the museum shop everyone voted to return to the Castle and end the day. My daughter cruised by and carried us home, replete with visual information to be digested.

Internet Togetherness

One of the delights of my week is the Sunday family chat which is sometimes lonely but sometimes full of intersecting comment. It is a time to share various information that may have escaped mention in e-mails and blogs. It is a chance to visit across the miles without worrying about the similarity of voices that makes a conference call between my various daughters difficult to follow. Tonight was one of the better chats, with as many as 6 of us joining in.

The Calm Between

For several months we have been involved in a situation which seems like a scene from a fiction thriller. Court appearances for other than traffic tickets, and that very seldom, are not something any of us have experienced, other than once or twice as a witness for another person, but never,as far as I recall, in a criminal matter.
The question that has caused me the most stress for several weeks was what my middle son would choose to do in response to the continued attention, manifested by a summons to appear in court. He seemed reluctant to appear, but that would only make it easier for the opposition to come and get him with a 'credible' excuse. On the day before the court date he agreed to go and was accompanied by two brothers, two brothers-in-law and a sister. The procedure took time but was ultimately just about setting a pre-trial hearing. At least we have a window of relative peace before the questions start to roil my emotions once again.

Thoughts while reading scriptures

Today our bishop gave a lesson in the combined meeting that had to do with scripture study. He is an advocate of marking scriptures and writing in the margins. I found it interesting that in a talk in sacrament meeting last week the speaker said that he found the scripture he had been given to use as a basis for his talk isolated in the page because it was the only passage that had not been underlined.;)
That is the problem I have with underlining. The scriptures that really touch my heart will likely stay as jewels in my memory. The scriptures are heavy with significance. While it is true that some of the genealogies and laws such as occur in Numbers, seem somewhat dreary to read and lacking in immediate relevance, the genealogy of Christ reminds us that he was born to the lineage of Judah who is something of a scoundrel, Rahab, a harlot in Jericho, and Ruth, a woman of Moab, not to mention David, who while great, was flawed. In fact, of that list, the two women seem to be the most admirable.
I have been reading through the Old Testament, mostly by listening on my MP3 device, but also during times at the temple when I have a few minutes such as while waiting to follow a session or serve at the veil. Richard and I are reading, mostly listening, to the Book of Mormon, which we recently completed and are now once again in 1 Nephi. The 'jewels' keep popping up and give delightful surprise. My most intensive period of scripture reading/study occurred while I was caring for my parents. I would read from three scriptural books daily and make record or comment in my journal. It was fascinating how the topics often 'braided'. The story or lesson learned from one source would augment another.
Our Sunday School lesson today had to do with choosing between good and evil, or in other words, the fruits of doing good. The need to choose between various ideas and actions comes home with real impact due to the interesting events that have come about because of a choice that Richard made last month.
Our teacher told a story of when she was a teenager and went to camp. They were given instructions to follow a string and not let go no matter what happened. She vowed to keep hold of the string, but during the exercise she let herself become convinced that something had happened and she should let go of the string and follow the girls who had convinced her to let go. She ended up blindfolded and alone.

Airports are Not Equal

I am currently 'enjoying' cold wet weather in Virginia. My daughter purchased the tickets on Jet Blue for my flight east. She asked me if I preferred changing planes in California at 9 PM or New York at 3 AM. I chose changing planes when I was nominally conscious, but I didn't know about Long Beach airport when I made the choice. Fortunately she warned me that I would have to wander around, leave the entrance terminal and come back through security. It was like a third-world experience. Long Beach airport consists of many small buildings and I went through at least four of them to reach the departure gate, with open air between. The airport is clean and well maintained but definitely dinky. You have to get in and out of the airplanes via stairs or ramps and walk a block or so to reach the arrival terminal. Going through security again I forgot to take my laptop out of the bag--senior moment. By contrast, when I reached Dulles Airport the arrival terminal is in the middle of the field, accessed by the usual closed connector tubes. You take a specialized bus from the field terminal to the main terminal which looks pretty much like a space port. You never see the outside until you go out to meet your 'ground transportation'.
In a few days I will be in Florida where I expect to risk getting a sun burn. 8)

Strangely scarless

I had expected to look like a pirate with a big scar down the left side of my nose. Instead, there is a discoloration and a little bit of roughness, but no 'zipper'. My nose doesn't look that different from before.

Divot

The bump is gone and in its place is a divot. The PA who removed it said there seems to be more in there and I have an appointment in a couple of weeks to see the results of the biopsy and determine what more will be done. At least I can wear a badaid that isn't pushed out of place by the thing on my nose.
My 'upside down' tomatoes seem to be growing fairly well and I'm going to plant a 'container' garden today. This decision is based on the aggressive growth of grapevines that make it a chore of great proportions to clear my garden plot. I inherited some nice rhubarb plants from the previous owner, as well as apple, apricot and plum trees and the aforesaid grapes which are pale green and seedless with a pleasant flavor when they fruit instead of taking over the entire yard.
I hope some progess can be made on the green house.

Funny/Scary Bump on Nose

I have a bump on my nose that is likely a basal cell carcinoma. It has grown from the size of a sesame seed to the size of a navy bean in four weeks. I have a doctor appointment for Wednesday and hope the solution to the problem will not drain my bank account. One of my sons asked why I was wearing a small bandaid on my nose and I told him I was hiding a suspected tumor. He was somewhat amused to see a truism in real life, 'don't use a bandaid on a tumor' or some such thing.

Being There

About a week and a half ago I flew to California to be with an internet friend of only a few months when she was baptized. I knew it was the right thing to do, even though it cost a fair amount of money to purchase tickets for the flight and rent a car. Although I stayed with a daughter who lives about a hundred miles from where the baptism was held, I felt it would be an imposition to borrow a car or expect my daughter or her husband to pick me up from the airport and deliver me there afterward when I was spending only a few daylight hours with them in addition to having a place to sleep for two nights.
Although 'reason stared', the Spirit confirmed that I was doing the right thing. For several reasons I believe that I was needed and was called to make the trip and give my support and guidance at a critical moment. I often ask to be guided in my actions, and this time I truly believe I was. My friend's new ward gives every indication of providing her with the support a new convert needs.

Time is a River

I read a book called 'Organizing From the Inside Out' and realized that while I have organized my space and my belongings fairly well, I have failed to organize my time, which leads to disorganization of the other areas.
I have have known for some time that I had a problem with my use of time. I set up schedules and create systems, but I blatantly disregard them. Time is wasted in stupid ways and I lose control of my life.
I am currently away from home for several weeks and this strikes me as an ideal time to analyze my various stewardships and create a means to manage then by wise use of time.
I have resisted is getting up at the same hour every day no matter what day of the week. Six AM works for me. At the other end of the day I need to go to bed at 10:30 and take a nap or two at regular times during the day to let my mind rest. I long ago learned that a nap, even when I don't sleep, can refresh me and help me get a fresh perspective on the tasks and challenges I face.
Time is fluid, but it cannot be saved or stored up. It can only be used or wasted.

Enthusiasm

It is so easy for me go get caught up in enthusiasm about various subjects. It is less easy to get enthusiastic about things that are actually virtuous, healthy or productive.

Footing It

It's been two weeks since I gave up my car. I haven't changed my eating habits, but I've lost three pounds. The weather has been a little chilly, but walking warms you up. I only had a bit of rain on Thursday night and it was quickly over.

Uncle Sam

Sam got a job that will move him to Atlanta, Georgia in a month. Meanwhile, he's spending most of the month between in California training. Another job is in the offing that will probably take him to the D. C. area. I will miss his gentle presence, but I knew the time would come that he would leave again. The good thing is that he leaves under circumstances that mean he will always be welcome when he comes back. He will also be a lot nearer to his immediately older sister and her family than anyone else in our family. So our loss is their gain.

The End of the Caravan

The car I have been driving was forced on me but I have become somewhat dependent on it. Eight and a half years ago in May, 2000, I moved to Utah and gave my car to my son in Virginia. I knew I would not walk voluntarily and I knew I needed to walk for the sake of my health. I was moving to a home in a neighborhood where groceries, church, and transit were close enough that I really didn't need a car.
A year and a half passed and I was doing very well. I handled my various transportation needs by riding buses, although now and then I borrowed a car from a family member. In late summer of 2001 I began to care for my parents. My mother still drove, but she was having problems. My sisters decided that it would be better for me to have my parents car instead of taking a couple hours by bus and train to get to their home on Monday mornings after spending the weekend at my home. For their convenience, I agreed to accept the car.
Six years have passed and the car has cost me several thousand dollars in repair including a new transmission. In addition to insurance, registration, property tax, and fuel, I spend a lot more money because I could drive to stores and pick up random items without considering the task of carrying them uphill for a half a mile from the bus-stop.
I expanded my participation in activities including artist groups and I did a lot of home improvements that required a long back deck to carry plywood and other items. I had a hitch mount installed for several hundred dollars so that I could pull a trailer from Virginia.
An accident about 4 years ago did damage to the undercarriage, which quietly propagated as the years rolled by.
Yesterday I took the car into a dealership to have them fix the heater that they have charged me 700 dollars to fix, but never really solved the problem. I also asked them to inspect the car.
They got back to me and said it would require $4000 in repairs to pass safety inspection.
That is more than what the car is worth.
I took an alternative route and had another business inspect the car. There were problems that could be fixed with an expenditure nearer $400. Then this morning my son discovered a rear shock absorber tilted down in such a way that the car couldn't be driven. He said it was a sign.
I finally agreed. With the shock wired to the frame I can drive the car to the salvage yard.

Party with Friends

Last night I went to a party with a group of friends I met on the Internet. Most of us wore costumes. I have a draped black silk vest embroidered with gold thread and gold sequins in the pattern of butterfly wings. I made spiral designs on a pair of protective glasses and put curled antennas of thick black pipe cleaners over my ears and wore black pants and a black shirt. When I showed my son the outfit he said I looked like a super-villain. I thought I looked like an alien, so I called myself an alien super villain butterfly. Others at the party were dressed in costumes that involved various degrees of professionalism or ingenuity. I made a seven layer dip and provided Tostitos dip chips, someone made a big pot of very tasty chili. There was corn-bread, cakes, soda, ice cream, some kind of pie, Moonpies as a joke, and the company was witty and funny.
I think it was about the best non-family party I have attended in years.
I like family parties because my offspring are nice enough to be patient with each other and they are also witty and funny. My grandchildren are cute.
I don't like large parties with 'programs', unless the programs are well planned with talented participants. All too often 'ward' parties are dull and make me nervous.

Movies

I have a substantial collection of movies, which is good now that I have stopped watching broadcast TV. It is harder to watch a movie than watch TV because you must have some physical interface with the process instead of merely sitting in a chair armed with a remote. It is likely I'll even get a bit fitter since I will have to get up from my recliner more often. The potential for fitness has been reduced since yesterday because I upended my couch and found the remote for the DVD player. Now I can insert the DVD and I don't have to stand by the media center to hit the 'play' button again and again to get to the actual movie. One of my daughters is hoping that more movies for children will be made with the function of playing the movie without pressing buttons. Her little girl enjoys watching movies while riding in the car, but most of the movies she enjoys have to be cued up by hitting the play button at the right time. This is a chore, and sometimes a dangerous chore for the mom who is driving.
My movie collection displays a clear preference for Fantasy and Action movies. I don't have many musicals or romances. Comedy and Science Fiction are probably tied for the next most popular genre in my collection. Most of my favorite movies have liberal doses of comedy in them. I'm not fond of dramas with no light relief. In my experience, people going through difficulty are prone to make jokes to relieve the tension of fear or oppression. Just look at the bright, wide smiles of children in poverty unless an 'artful' photographer has managed to get them to glare and whine.
Today was Sunday and the family watched a Lucinda edited version of 'The Other Side of Heaven'. I like it when the Hancock family comes over and chooses a movie to play. I find that my favorite movies also have a strong moral content. While most of them are not what you would show to children as entertainment, the best are instructive and thoughtful.
I heard an interesting lecture by an author who talked about the use of time by the average person nowadays. They said that after work, most people spend a certain amount of time 'vegging out' in front of the TV. The remainder of their time is spent 'geeking out', or in other words pursuing some interest to the point of becoming a geek, which I think is a new word for 'amateur' or someone who really 'gets into' an area of interest without become a professional. The internet makes this much more likely since people can research and network with other on various topics without traveling around or spending a lot of money.